It’s not without a question that we see many images/messages displayed that shows women how to live, dress, talk, be and exist in different ways. Society has bold ways in making it known how women should live. I get that there has always been a double standard between men and women, but I’m sick and tired of seeing these types of messages given to women daily. I was hoping that by the time I reached my late 20s, people would be accepting of how women owned their freedom, especially their sexual freedom but sad to say, we still have a long way to go.
We, as women receive many messages (either subtle or non subtle) from different sources regarding our sexuality. Some of these messages consist of when we should be having sexual intercourse after we get in relationships, who we need to have it with according to the male gaze, of course, when is the appropriate age to do it after puberty and so on and so forth. To be quite honest, I’m tired of receiving these messages on the daily of what women should do/ not do in terms of our sex and sexuality. It is our body and we should be able to do what we want with it. We should be able to reserve it for one person if we wanted, we should be able to let multiple people devour it if we desired, we should be able to do nothing with it if that’s what we prefer, and we should be able to engage frequently/not frequently according to our desires.
These types of messages given to women suggesting the types of roles we should play are hurtful and degrading. Women who do not fit into these roles automatically feel alienated from society and can have negative views towards their own bodies and sexual lives. These subtle and un-subtle messages we give to women about their sexual lives and how to live in their own bodies is very damaging and needless to say, condescending.
It should be up to the woman to do what she wants to do with her own body, it should be up to the woman if she wants to cover her body, strip or do prostitution, for that matter. We all know by now that women are the ones who own their bodies, so why not give them the rights to own it and talk about it. We should be given our own agency to our bodies since we are the agents of it. People or society, for that matter, shouldn’t try to dictate how we own these beautiful temples of ours. All we should do, women included, is listen to other women when they’re talking about their own bodies and the actions they feel comfortable in taking to own it. All we should be doing is really listening and that’s it. Also helping out if we are asked to do so and if we are in the position to do so.
Another aspect that I feel needs to be addressed is this sexual timeline women feel we should adhere to when dating or when we get into relationships/ partnerships. From my experiences, I’ve seen women worry about the amount/ lack thereof of sexual intercourse they are having in the relationships they’re in. Sexual timelines in relationships or when simply dating do not exist and women shouldn’t feel obliged to follow any. Every relationship is different, every woman is different and every partner she has is obviously going to be VERY different from previous ones. Do as it feels right to you, women. If you as a woman feel you want to get involved in sexual acts early on in the partnership, then get involved. If you as a woman feel you should wait and not rush things, then do just that. This whole “sexual timeline facade” society has created is to make women feel guilty of our sexual desires/ lack thereof and to therefore limit our sexual freedom.
Women, don’t let anything or anyone control you and your sexual needs. Protect yourself and don’t put yourselves in harm’s way because with this type of freedom, comes a lot of responsibility of protecting oneself and ones agency. Go out there, explore, get into relationships, partnerships, date someone, date multiple people, get married, be single, have sex right after you get into a relationship/partnership, have sex without getting in any relationship, not have sex at all, have sex with women, have sex with men. Do not let society’s pressure of how women should act sexually dictate your actions and your behaviors. Do not follow any sexual timelines in relationships/ partnerships or when dating someone. Date men, women, trans folks. Date who you please. Have children. Don’t have children. Adopt children. Again do what you please when it comes to raising young ones either they are biologically yours or not. Be free and own your freedom, sexual freedom, independence, your life, etc.
Cheers to us, beautiful women, lets stay forever growing, free and away from societal rules that forever want to keep us bondage.
I’m free, I’m beautiful, I own my body, my choices and my sexuality.
I am freely a woman and will forever be.
Peace and Love,